Not running from myself no more - Grief ends here!

I have taken a long journey through grief. Don’t get me wrong I have had a great life filled with many happy events, I’ve done more than many.Yet the undercurrent has always been the grief of losing my twin sisters. I cannot ever forget the days when their loss happened and the sheer shock of what that meant to me.

Not everyone has this experience and even if they do, not everyone experiences it like I did. Let’s face it some people are happy if someone leaves their life! If we hate someone and we have pain from them, then we are happy they leave!

Difficulty comes when we ‘love’ them and then we feel a lot of emotional pain. That is what happened to me. I loved my sisters so much…so very much.

Yet little did I understand how much my love was a very one-sided experience. In fact I wasn’t truly loving them for who they were and I wasn’t loving myself for who I was!

Even as I write, I feel emotional, I recall just how much I perceived I loved them, and that loss hurt me like a thousand knives!

I will never forget that feeling and I am very grateful for it.

Since then I have learnt how to balance out that traumatic emotion and bring to a most respectable feeling of love and balance.

I can help you do the same. Yes it is not a straight forward process but is a process and it is fairly quick.

It is quicker than most so called therapy – so please do not get bogged down in grief.

I could be that option for you that allows you to begin living truly to yourself!

I’ve experienced a lot of loss and now I am comfortable with all that loss. If you would like to talk to me then please make a connection my connection email is lynn950@gmail.com

Heading Home

That picture is so special to me. That dog is so special to me. That morning, that sunlight that moon are special to me.The path is so special to me. To think that the farmer laid that  - it's actually made of concrete slabs. Its for the farm animals - it makes it easier for them to walk, it stops the ground from getting really muddy and soggy. We have had so many flooded areas , the ground is very sodden, and this field with its road is perfect for walking the dog - lol! I love this farmer! I love this dog, I love my village...and I love the morning prayers, very grateful for the time I have to do this. Check out your own areas of special, what are they ? Think about them, what things do you love dearly ? What things in life are you grateful for ?

My gravity!

Feb Post

January was full of hope as a new year started and I was going great guns with my planning. Really high on my agenda was some Master Planning for the year ahead. Needing to balance my life and ensure that I devote ample time to each of the key seven areas of life.

I believe that you can do what you love and earn ample to enjoy the life you want if you can be disciplined enough to not only allow yourself to dream but to take action, take steps and move along that path.

I have succeeded in writing a book which seemed like a mountain to climb at the start, but eventually it came to fruition and it was all from following the simple steps of trusting myself, believing in the dream, and working on it.

Of course I had people assist me along the way. I trusted that the universe would send me what and who I needed.

I would love to write this blog and sound like a sophisticated guru who knows the 'answer', the truth is I don't, I don't know it any more than anyone else. What I do know is that I have experienced some profound things and I have searched for over four decades to find answers.

Due to the nature of my 'life' challenge I learnt from a young age to keep silent. For those who don't know I lost both of my sisters when I was nine years old, back in the days when there was not much understanding about loss and grief.

The silence taught me many things and it also was responsible for bringing about many repeats of loss and changes in my life that would see me encounter many difficult challenges.

I wonder…do you know how it feels to have so much emotional stuff trapped inside you, with no outlet ? You see for me, I have been quiet for so much of my life. I feel sure that my life's mission is to teach young children what I have learnt.

Have you seen the movie 'Gravity' with Sandra Bullock ?  Stranded in space, with many difficult problems to solve, she almost loses the will to live, having suffered the loss of her son, just as she is about to give up….George Clooney's ghost appears and says something like ' Yeah….it's pretty good out here….it's safe here in space……easier than the challenges of life on earth…' Well something struck me like a bolt! The scene mirrored where I was at ……you see the silence seems like a security blanket however in essence it is holding me back from being my full blown self.

Being silent is like being out alone in space….please excuse I can feel myself welling with emotion. I am so scared to do, say something and be rejected, laughed at or scorned. When you feel intense emotional pain, you kind of want to hide away from anyone adding more hurt to it…you hope that in time it will heal and feel less painful…the truth is that by hiding you keep it raw.

I am not going to do it anymore. I have decided not to be such a big sop. I don't want to be stranded in space anymore.

I want to live my life in a fantastic and fulfilling way. I want to enjoy sharing with other people and helping them to overcome their fears and help them appreciate who they are, as much as who I am. To teach my daughter how to love herself through my example would be so beautiful.

She asked me the other day 'Mummy ..what would you say is the most important thing in life ?' Woah what a deep question!

I said 'to live your most authentic self'

I asked her what she thought it was and then …she blew me away………………

'Love……….I think love is the most important thing'

Boom! That's my gravity!

#Grief #Loss #Love #Life

Communication Deficit - resulting from loss

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CfihYWRWRTQ

#Grief #Loss #Communication #Love #Life #Breakingthroughloss #Lynnhopethomas

Top Five Alternative Grief Lessons

Welcome to what is the most amazing journey you will ever encounter. As bad as you might feel, simply know that you will rise again, you will feel whole again and the pain will go.

Grief definition: the freezing of emotions inside the body until human spirit is ready to 'face' feeling these emotions of sadness, despair, relief - did I say relief?

Grief is the most amazing pack of emotions one can ever experience! And for every individual, it is an individual experience!

Here are a few quick lessons and anchor points: -

Lesson 1

There is no requirement to overcome grief. Grief is a personal and individual experience. If you want to stay in grief you can. If you want to transcend it, you can. And can you can!

Lesson 2

Grief can be extremely challenging! Simply know that there are others out there who can help you, others who have experienced this intensity. There is support out there. I am offering support!

Lesson 3

Help is available and you have the option to seek that help. There is no shame in seeking help. Think of it as requiring a grief teacher, to teach you how to navigate grief.

Lesson 4

There is a positive side to grief. It is not all gloom and depression! In fact it can spur your biggest growth!

Lesson 5

Unresolved grief can affect your financial income and future retirement. Any money spent on overcoming grief will be recouped tenfold over your lifetime.

Recommended read http://amzn.to/1p8i2Pe

#Grief #Loss #Lessonsongrief # Breakingthroughloss #Lynnhopethomas

Christmas Tree Of Life - Seasons Of Loss

Each Christmas as I unpack the tree and begin to unbox the decorations I pass through a ritual of remembrance which is always very special to me, and to my daughter too.

It is with pleasure that we relive the life of each bauble ‘Remember this one Mummy ?...we bought this at Disney….ah look my favourite set…….I love these ones!’

I’m pretty sure many a family do the same thing as us.

For me the tree ritual was made all the more memorable when my Mum’s friend lost her life on my birthday…which falls the week before Christmas. I recall dressing the tree with my Mum, and feeling the presence of Adrienne and the significance of being able to dress the tree with my family……… our love for family and friends and fellow man entwined in the process.

For me the Christmas tree represents the tree of Life…the fact that no matter what comes and goes that life will continue on and on. Each bauble represents a life, a light that has made the tree more beautiful than ever. A light which glows as a reminder of the joy of life.

When we lose loved ones, we can ask ourselves the question ‘Would they want to see me sad and weepy ?’  Of course the answer is no! ‘Would they want me to be miserable and depressed?’ Of course the answer is no!

After Christmas the tree is taken down and the baubles laid to rest for another year and so it is with grief….we bring it out of the box…we feel emotions around it and then we lay it to rest for another season. Given time the baubles that once held a sad memory are replaced with fond memories of what has been and with a gratitude for the present day and how it has shaped out lives.

It is all part of the tree of life….and Christmas is one season out of four that we are given opportunity to review our feeling, thoughts and emotions.

What may seem too painful for some….. as Christmas contrasts a lot of happy emotions against those who are suffering. Think about the key questions about what your loved one would wish for you. Dwell on that loving feeling, yet don’t push sadness away because it is part of releasing the grief. After so long

Last week as I drove up the motorway…I was tuned in to some classical music which took me to some rarely visited memories, memories of what was, how life used to be before the painful loss and I allowed myself to feel sad and cry. This act actually felt really good….inside my heart and outside….mmmm….I was letting it go!

I’m not sure whether ‘control freaks’ suffer loss as a means to let go, or whether grief makes you a control freak, afraid to let go – please feel free to add your own comments

As a final note:

Remember that the tree of life always involves a Spring pruning, a Summer flowering, an Autumn shed and a Winter sparkle.

Wishing you to sparkle this Christmas and with hope guiding you to know that loss and grief can heal

Wishing you Peace this Christmastime

Lynn

#Grief #Loss #Christmas #Tree of Life #Lynnhopethomas #Lossrepeats

Take a Christmas Holiday on Grief!

Mmm, It’s getting close to Christmas and for many that will be a time they remember their lost ones and feel somewhat saddened that they are not there with them over what should be a loving and blissful time of the year….well that is if you celebrate Christmas as a Christian. I guess other religious denominations may also be caught up with everyone around them being joyous and so they feel sad too at this time of year.

I want to be sensitive to those who are experiencing grief, yet at the same time I need to be firm with you as you do not have to feel the grief! That’s right…you do not have to feel the grief of the loss of your loved one. That does not mean that you disregard them, or that you ignore the loss you have suffered, it simply means that there IS a process, which CAN relieve the grief and allow you to feel a sense of well-being, gratitude and allow you to feel close to your loved one.

The process is a method I have experienced and have seen countless other people experience with amazing results. I was so amazed that I wrote a book called ‘Breaking Through Loss’  http://amzn.to/1p8i2Pe because I had an incredible realisation that I had allowed loss and grief and was still allowing loss and grief to affect my life…and to affect it for forty years !! I can’t bear thinking that I did that, as life is short and meant to be lived to the full enjoyment of the gift that God has given us.

Oh how can I get the message across to you so that you do not have to suffer your emotional pain?

 For some people they do not experience grief to the same extent – have you ever wondered why not? I always thought that they must not have loved the person, because when you do not love someone you don’t cry and grieve over them do you?

I witnessed a father lose his son and he was calm and centered

and I simply could not understand why he was not experiencing extreme grief – not that I wished that upon him, because I know only too well, what it is like to suffer a BIG loss and then for it to repeat two weeks later!! It is pretty much close to hell but not as close to hell as some get.

Here are a few insights that I have learnt:

·         Grief is a one-sided emotion in your perception….yes it feels very real and hurts

·         It is an addiction to the traits you loved about a person, and is similar to a drug addict having their drug taken away.

·         Grief  thrives off fantasies and delusions

Grief can be balanced once we dissolve the fantasies and delusions, and weigh in the ignored perceptions you had about the person.

Once dissolved grief opens the heart centre to LOVE and at that point you can experience relief and joy.

Please read my book to understand more, I wrote it as a guide for people because believing someone say that grief can be dissolved is unusual and easily dismissed however when you can weigh up the facts and the scientific evidence then maybe ….just maybe this Christmas you can have your heart and joy back allowing it to beat with LOVE

 http://amzn.to/1p8i2Pe