For Laura and anyone grieving loss of babies

Tonite I write about Laura, three years on she is grieving the loss of her twin babies. She exhibits what are understandably the signs of loss and grief. Many of her friends cannot truly relate as they are not in the state of grief.

Grief lasts longer than sympathy and friend’s patience wears out, only adding to the loss of a griever.

How many more years will she choose to go through the grief? I have already given her my book ‘breaking through loss’ the one book dedicated to helping others understand that grief is truly a choice – you can chose to transcend it by working through it with a trained Demartini Method facilitator.

Strangely though that is not a choice for her.

That brings me back to the point that people will only chose change when the pain is strong enough to warrant that.

What does that mean? It means that for Laura, the pain of her baby’s deaths is serving her in some way, the pain is not that great. When it becomes great – only then will she seek to change things.

It is not easy to understand is it? Why one would chose the pain of loss over the prospect of change?

Well yes…change is painful too.

The loss of two babies is more preferable pain than that of change.

That is quite challenging as a statement – don’t you think?

Okay so think about this…so Laura continues in her grief……there is no defined period that one suffers grief. It could go on for say five years, who determines how long it goes on for?

The strength of Laura’s emotion is about how much she loved her babies, how much her dreams of a future were dashed. At three years on she is imagining the life she should have had, would have had, if they had lived.

In effect she is living in a fantasy/delusion. It is one we can break and get her to reality. Yet she chooses grief over reality.

I have given her my book, I wrote it to help people suffering grief, I thought that if they read my story they would see that I COULD HELP them.

Truth is they don’t see that!!! That is so upsetting for me. I need to know why, why do they not want to read my book that will help them?

Can you help me to understand?

Wake Up Calls – Time to appreciate your loved ones

Wow! I had a massive wakeup call towards the end of last week. Even though I am mindful of appreciating my family, one has to admit that one does get complacent, especially when a family member is irritating us.

Well, as much as I try to be the perfect loving person, I know that in reality a truly ‘loving person’ makes all the mistakes that I make.

Life and love is about likes and dislikes, ying and yang, black and white. So when God then sends a test to us – our true colours come to life!

My mother who is now in her seventies, fell and hit her head on a wall and also a concrete floor. The scene looked like something more sinister had happened and despite my confusion, listening to my Mother’s demand to get home ‘Now’! And assessing the scene, I knew I had to ensure that she received the best care.

It was a long night and even though things are not like they used to be, I was thankful that at least we have a place to go, at least as some sensible point a Doctor would look at my mother’s injuries.

During the time waiting, for which I am grateful for, I was able to show my Mother how much I loved and care for her. We were able to share funny one-liners and also listen and watch the amazing events unfold that are typical of an Accident and Emergency ward. We noted that being over the age of seventy, having suffered a head injury and still bleeding with a bump the size of a satsuma, was in fact not much of an emergency at all – preference made way for drunks, and even a young ‘Justin Bieber’ lookalike who said he had been bitten by a ‘wild animal’!  

Just for the record, we don’t really have any wild animals in England, so I am still uncertain how he got a priority over my poor Mother.

That said, I am grateful for the wait, I am grateful for the time I spent with my amazing Mother. She had suffered concussion and yet was displaying the most admiral strength and resilience you can imagine.

Then again, I have been allowed to see what many people perhaps can’t. I have been privileged to experience a great loss. You see my Mother lost her two babies, many years ago, she endured the cruellest of nature’s wrath and had to survive the ordeal. Sometimes I just can’t get my head around it – she is a tough cookie! What was also my loss too, that of my beautiful sisters, I can’t know what losing two children may feel like, I can only imagine it as a Mother. I do know what it is like to lose siblings …which was pretty awful.

Anyhow I believe that those losses explain to some degree how my Mother has toughened up on the outside. For me these are amazing lessons, I feel honoured to share these times with my Mother. I am blessed to know such an incredible woman.

I later spent some time with my father and he too was in awe of the amount of strength and poise my Mother had. She never once moaned or complained during the eight hours at the hospital, crikey it took about five hours before anyone looked at her wound or dressed it. That said I am grateful for the special time I spent caring for my Mother and that is thanks to the NHS service and the crews who work there.

Yes the whole incident was a wakeup call. Nature’s way of reminding me that time is running out, am I doing all I can to ensure I show my love and care for my family and friends?

Have I done enough to thank my Mother for all she has done, all she has been through?

I don’t want to live with any regrets. I don’t want to be left here with her passed and not have said all that I need to say to her.

One of the biggest regrets people have on loss, is not ever having their loved one that they loved them.

So please have a think about it ….imagine your loved one has passed, think about what you need and want to say to them and then find a time when you can begin telling them just how much you care.

Can you do that? I would really love to hear your own stories, please come back and tell me how you got on, and if you feel you can’t then come and tell me what is stopping you and I can see how I can help you!

I know I am not the most eloquent blogger, I do have a genuine heart and if I can help you, I will!

Thanks for reading, sending you loving energy and smiling as I picture you smiling too

I am grateful

God Bless!

Infatuation creates loss – God Bless Dr Wayne Dyer

When someone dies, their physical presence leaves what we know as planet earth. To us they have ‘died’ yet actually their spiritual presence has not gone anywhere.

Nothing is ever missing.

Grief kicks in when we have infatuations about certain traits they have and now because we can no longer experience the buzz they gave us, we actually suffer a withdrawal symptom, very much like that of a cocaine addict or an alcoholic.

As much as I know about grief, I was deeply saddened this last month to learn that Dr Wayne Dyer had passed.

I found myself suffering grief, I cried nearly every night this last week, choosing to watch some of his work – ‘The Shift’ on youtube – he actually talks about his awareness in the ‘afternoon’ of life in which spiritually he was becoming more aware of God’s presence, he had even told people that he was not afraid of dying and was prepared for the next part of the journey.

Wayne had suffered from leukemia and was happy to report that ‘John of God’ had indeed cured him and he was in remission. Reports from close family and friends say that he actually died of a heart attack.

Whatever took him, I feel took him too soon. He was only 75 and had several worthy years left in which he could spread his knowledge and love. I was deeply saddened and even now I want to cry a tear because I love this man.

In 2012 I was fortunate to be on the Holland America cruise line touring the Fijian islands along with about 500 other Hay House fans. The trip was a most magical experience, one of the most special experiences I have ever had. There was so much love on board and amongst us was – Reid Tracy, Cheryl Richardson, and Serena Dyer was with her father Dr Wayne Dyer.

I will never forget the afternoon that Wayne shared some of his life stories, how he was an orphan, how he grew up, how he traced his father to his father’s headstone, how he felt, how he forgave his father.

We cried with him as he told us that he knew the father he had always longed for and wanted recognition from, had listed his name on the tombstone.

He played some of his favourite music and the room filled with his warmth and love, he sat there in his flat cap, smiling and looking at all of us with love. I sobbed, as I felt his love healing me from all the terrible things I had ever experienced – he was lifting me.

Nothing seemed to matter anymore, we were all one, in a room, in the middle of the ocean bathing in love. How incredible and how wonderfully blessed to be experiencing this.

I cry now, in grief no less. Yet I know that grief is a sign of infatuation and as true to the Demartini method as it can be, there were many on the cruise ship who were infatuated with Dr Wayne Dyer. On our travels we learn that in direct balance to our ‘love boat’, there was big resentments on another leader or rather Captain regarding the capsizing of the Costa Concordia in the Italian waters.

Dr Wayne Dyer has dedicated his life to helping others heal from life’s challenges, he has written numerous books which guide people through the labyrinth of the spiritual world and how what we think and tell ourselves is the world we end up creating.

If you have not heard of him, then I strongly recommend that you begin to read some of his books now. Personally I find them most inspiring and wonderful reads.

In the meantime I shall explore my grief and balance out the perceptions that I something is missing, because in reality nothing is missing. Check out the photo offered by Serena Dyer on the day the family spread Wayne’s ashes in the sea in Maui. If you look closely you will see Wayne’s face.