What am I going to get for Christmas?

Children are excited! You see the glee in their eyes as they shop with parents and wish for countless toys and gifts.

The Western culture has managed to prey hard on the desires of man and so Christmas for many becomes purely about the gift and not the sentiment of Christmas.

Yes, I too am guilty of falling prey, and often get caught up in the hope and drama that Christmas will mean ‘peace’, it will mean ‘ warm fuzzy love’ and for the family they will be spoilt with gifts desired.

There is a big build up to this foreseeable gain, a gain in emotional wellbeing, in gifts, possibly financial, in happy thoughts, physical time out and focus on health and then a big plus in social activities as friends get together over a drink and party or two.

The reality can often hit much harder, too much money is spent in the fantasy of the Christmas promise and when reality kicks in, it a somewhat rather depressing January of tight budgets, awaiting the next pay cheque. The time off to engage in a fitness regime transpired into slouching on a sofa with the chocolate box and the eggnog. The peace and good will turned into family arguments and everyone at loggerheads.

Doe it sound familiar? Well may be not so for someone who has lost their loved one. For them the loneliness can be harsh and crueller at Christmas time. One only has to think of the parents of the children murdered in Peshawar, their Christmas will not be one of Joy.

For them the broken fantasy of Christmas will be looming in their hearts. Their loss possibly taking over all thoughts.

The belief that they will ever feel differently will seem a long way off the horizon.

For those people, I send my loving heart and energy, for those people I wrote my book called ‘Breaking Through Loss’ available on Amazon. I believe that the lessons of loss are many and worth exploring further as hidden emotion will repeat until you acknowledge it.

My sisters were taken one Christmas, I spent it alone, I recall their presents from Santa, remained unopened. I know about tragic loss and how it can separate you from others. I know how I believed that I had ‘handled’ it and discovered I hadn’t some four decades later!

Some of the lessons I learnt include understanding that grief feeds off fantasy. Just like the fantasy of Christmas leads to disappointment, allowing fantasies of our loved ones to remain in our minds leads to grief.

So what do I mean by ‘fantasies’ of our loved ones? Well that is thoughts about what should have been, what might have happened if only, the future that will never be. When we do this we are living in a fantasy because it is not something that can actually be.  Yes these thoughts are normal when we experience a loss, however they perpetuate the grief.

Sometimes holding onto unhealthy thoughts, is like holding onto the person. If we keep them in our thoughts about what they would do, say, or how they would act in this or that situation, we believe we are loving them. THIS IS NOT LOVING THEM

My book explains in detail about the truth of love. I can’t simply explain everything in one chat or text. I am very open to people messaging me if they want to discuss any aspects of grief

All I can say is keep tuned and over time I will explain more and more on how to release grief and live a fully inspired life that your loved one would have wanted you to do.

Keep strong, smile and let life know that you embrace it.

Just as the gloom after Christmas kicks  and step one is to read my book.

As Christmas approaches …please take care and do not allow the fantasy of Christmas to take you for a fool.

Bestwishes and much love


#Grief #Christmas #Presents #Loss #Lossrepeats